Birthday ECT

So, this is becoming somewhat of a routine. Get up early, drive with my dad to the ECT clinic, go through the ECT process, then wait outside for my uncle to pick me up on his way home from work. I was getting ECT #6 on my birthday. People keep asking "are you feeling any better? noticing any difference?" - and I'm like ....I don't really know. I do feel different, but I don't know if it's "better" per se. I'm more agitated, more manic. I got really angry a few nights ago and went and broke some stuff at Ernie's house and packed up some of my stuff. I just have this belief that if I am putting myself through all this to be healthier, better....why should I put myself back into situations that were unhealthy for me in the first place? Why should I be trying so hard when no one around me is trying? My parents have been amazing! I have seen a complete change in them, it's like they finally get it. But meanwhile my "good" daughter continues to ignore the family, disrespect us, and throw away everything we have done for her. She is acting like a spoiled entitled selfish bitch. My grandmother says she needs a good swift kick in the ass, and even my mother who generally sees the good in everyone says she is acting like a stuck up rotten bitch - what was more surprising was that my mom said she always saw my daughter this way - and was surprised it took her this long to act on it. The "Princessa" purse dog, the blingy clothes and heels, new purses every week, being very superficial about her makeup and hair. I had hoped she would grow out of this, not that it would get worse. And then my boyfriend - he is wonderful. My parents love him. He is one of only two people I have ever dated that my parents truly think is a good person - the other one was NOT my ex husband no surprise, but my still to this day best friend Del. The problem is my boyfriend has been on his own for so long, he doesn't know how to change. I want him to start seeing a doctor on a regular basis, cut back on his drinking, and spend more nights at home. He blows me off and flat out ignores my concerns. So, am I doing better? I feel different. I feel dizzy, confused, I'm not hungry much anymore. I have headaches. And then I'm dealing with these issues above. Also, I'm unemployed while I'm in the hospital. That's stressful in itself. I have some savings in the bank, but not enough to last forever. My daughter's stunt left me with some unexpected bills to pay on top of this. I should be able to find work again, doing something menial and meaningless after treatment, but again, what would be the point of bettering myself, only to go back to the same meaningless job? Now to find a psychiatrist who can write my scripts and do therapy after the ECT is done. Despite reading that you were supposed to stop meds while doing ECT, you do not stop all of them - only the ones that would interfere with the seizure, like lamictal or clonapin. Everything else you keep taking. I guess maybe after the ECT is all done, the doctors can decide to reduce your meds, continue them, change them, or stop them all together - there is no one single outcome. And most likely I will have to do maintenance ECT treatments once a month for a year, just to make it "stick." But so far after 7 sessions, I do feel different......I think it's still in flux, better some moments, more agitated other moments. I'm not as depressed and that's for sure. :)